Tuesday, 21 October 2008

Thrills, Pills And Bellyaches...

Well, it didn't take long. With a feeling of dread, I caught the back end of a conversation between The Colonel and Steve, the Irish fella. My ears pricked up at the excited exclamation of "Valium??" from The Colonel. "Yeah, you can get it over the counter here, it's non-prsecription." Oh fuck, here we go...whatever next?

Now most people I know have tried downers and mixed them with a night on the booze. Sure, it feels good. But it tends to make you act like a twat and behave as if the Law doesn't exist. One notable result being the arrest of myself, Goof and Moody McDermott a few years ago in Preston. After eating them like sweets, smoking weed and sinking several pints, we'd decided it a good idea to obstruct the main street coming out of Preston one night...with wheelie bins, traffic cones, lumps of masonry etc. When the police pulled up, Goof was trying to push a stationary car into the street while two others were pulling a crumbling wall apart to use. Old Bill wasn't amused. Neither were Preston's taxi-driving fraternity. Or the Magistrates, come to think of it. Cue a 120 quid bill for Unlawfully Obstructing The Public Highway and Drunk And Disorderly Behaviour.

That was at 22 years old. The Colonel being 39, I could only guess at what would happen when I received a text saying "These valium are alright...they've taken the edge right off. I'm having a couple more in a minute." Taken the edge off what? Seeing the world? We tried to contact him, and couldn't...I had visions of him in some mangled state and being led up a dark alleyway to be robbed. Or bummed into next Christmas by some Sex Tourist.

We finally found him staggering around the Old Quarter, sweating and crimson-faced...garbling questions at strangers and shoving a map in their faces. 30 yards from the hotel. You couldn't make it up. Off to our Local, where he continued on. In between abusing his favourite booksellers, naturally..."What rhymes with book...?" etc etc ad infinitum. Oh, what a night. Surely it can't get any worse...?

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