Sunday, 17 May 2009

Big Fat German Sex Tourist

I'd seen a big, fat, middle-aged blob of a man walking around Coron with a slip of a Filipina who looked around 17; not a pretty sight, it has to be said. He'd been in one of the dive shops when I was shopping round on arrival. She was very beautiful and looked very bored. He was a bit of a boor and, while out with a few mates one night, he took it upon himself to plonk himself down at our table uninvited. How rude, dear boy?

We'd been discussing the couple before he sat down. The girls were horrified (see opposite) at the waste of a beautiful girl on this toad of a man. I was in no mood to mess around and, as I'd had several beers, cut straight to the chase.

"How old are you then, mate?"
"I'm 52" he replied.
"And yer bird?" I nodded towards where the unfortunate wretch was warbling into a karaoke microphone (and trying not to mentally swap a phallic image for a real one belonging to him).
"She's 21" he beamed proudly.
"Bit wrong that, isn't it?"
"No, no, no" he insisted "it's the way it is here."
"Because of this" I rubbed two fingers together.
"Of course" he laughed.

He told me he was here regularly. With the same girl?
"No, of course not...I get a new one each time" he sounded amazed at my stupid question.
What a delightful chap. His mother would be delighted with the way he turned out. I think the best part of him ended up on her sheets.

He left for the toliet. The girls wrinkled their noses in his general direction as Zandy (the girl) sat down, having just successfully murdered Blondie's Heart Of Glass. They told me I should rescue her "like Pretty Woman". Not likely, girls. I asked Zandy if the toad was a good boyfriend?

"Him?" she thumbed over her shoulder at the toilet door "That guy is a fucking idiot." We were still laughing as Toad made his way back to the table.

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