Sunday, 28 June 2009

World Hawking Championships: Current Standings

The one thing I won't miss about Asia is the constant sound of people sniffing and coughing up wads of phlegm at all hours of the day. It's truly revolting. And it's not just the men; the women and kids are at it, too. It's certainly not limited to any one country, but some are certainly worse than others. So here's a rundown of the standings so far.

1st Place: LAOS

These people are in first place, not collectively, but simply due to one outstanding solo performance in Luang Prabang. Myself and Jocky were quietly enjoying breakfast, and dodging the snakes which dropped out of the trees at any given moment, when we were more than a little put off by a diminutive old lady who decided to wander into the street opposite us to try coughing up what sounded like the product of a lifetime of smoking. The pancakes didn't taste so good when we heard an audible splat on the pavement opposite us. She even inspected her work afterwards.

2nd Place: VIETNAM

Dirty sods, this lot. If it's not hawking and gobbing in the street, it's picking your nose without a hint of shame. If you can't cough it up, pick it out. Examine and flick. Nasty.

3rd Place: INDONESIA

I had my stomach turned a fair few times in my month here. The standout performer for me was the hostel owner absent-mindedly coughing up a blob and spitting it at a passing dog. He might have beaten granny to first place. But he missed.

I have a feeling there'll be a few contenders for a Top 3 ranking in South America...

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