Wednesday, 26 August 2009

Wild Bill & The Coke Tourists

I'm not averse to drugs, and am no saint. In fact, I've probably done enough drugs in my time to kill a small horse. Well, enough to send it into space...or turn it a bit mental. It'd at least have enough for a few good nights out in a club. If it could get in, obviously. And I've not been against the odd line of coke now and again (apologies to Mum for further embarrassing drug revelations (her friends read this), as she probably had enough to be going on with regarding marijuana, speed, ecstasy and LSD use (mine, not hers) in previous years). When in Rome and all that...

But if it's one thing that gets up my nose (yes, yes...I know) in South America, it's Coke Tourists. I've met a load of them on the way around, and I cannot fathom why anyone would want to stay in all day sniffing high-grade cocaine and talking utter shit for several hours; hardly attractive, is it? The average cokehead's mantra being "Ah well, enough about me...what do you think about me?" Instant Bullshitter...Just Add Coke. There's nothing wrong with getting out of it now and again, but some folk take travelling to whole new levels of pointlessness. I've asked people about certain towns I'm due to visit to be told "The coke's great". Oh, brilliant. And you and did what else, exactly? Nada...

We shared the dorm with Tom, an American obviously on the run from something; family and friends suspected. Tom woke up each morning after rolling in at 5am, with a nice little pick-me-up...and proceeded to snort line after line for the rest of the day, not leaving the hostel...sometimes not even his bed. What a trip, maaaaaan!!? He tried telling us he'd spent $250K in 3 months. At 6 quid a gram, we weren't overly susceptible to his stories. Nice enough guy when he was straight, but get a load of gak up his nose and watch him go.

When in Cartagena, we'd been entertained by a character we nicknamed Wild Bill. Almost 50, this guy could give Keef Richards a run for his money. A lovely bloke, and funny at times, but once he was on it...half an hour of his company was enough to drive you mad. We believe he was responsible for getting the roof terrace at Media Luna Hostal closed for 2 nights; the fact that he was up on said roof for the best part of 2 nights, babbling to himself and doing tremedous amounts of coke when everyone else was in bed didn't really go down too well with staff. He actually got himself locked up there one night, and the security man was none too pleased with having to release this wild-eyed Welshman at 5am. He'd been rapping in lunatic stylee and doing little skits while we sat around open-mouthed this particular evening ("Bill's comedy doesn't always work" his girlfriend whispered to Speckled Jim, almost apologetically). One day the same security guard had sold him 5 grams; Bill told me he'd only asked for one, but felt obliged to buy the lot when the guy pulled a face. On leaving the hostel for a night out at 6pm that same evening, he revealed he'd done 3g in already. His girlfriend, straight as an arrow most of the time, must have the patience of a saint. Either that, or she works in mental healthcare and is used to this. They moved to a hotel soon after that night. Bill told me it was expensive compared to the dorm, so they were going to get a load of coke in and "make the most of the nice room". The last straw at Media Luna was when a pleasant smoke on the roof, enjoying the view, was ruined by a gang of kids off their mash coming over and waffling all sorts of nonsense...culminating in a memory game called "I went to the drug dealer and he sold me..." where you have to add another drug to the previous sentence, and the next person repeats verbatim until someone gets it wrong and is eliminated. A fascinating game we declined to join. Beers and joints were drained, and we headed for the sanctuary of bed.

4 comments:

Andrew said...

Fecking tell me about it. Was subjected to exactly the same conversation last night. The only talk of Colombia was where the best coke was from. Then they spent an hour walking the streets of Quito looking for some whilst I headed to a bar and had a lovely pint...

old8oy said...

Bit of a joke, isn't it? Quito's stunning, we're here at the moment, too. Seems to be a few less CTs here, though. Heading for Banos tomorrow...I expect loads of them to be de-toxing in the hot springs. Have a good one, mate...watch those mean streets.

pat said...

keeping it real warren, loving your blog. it brings back lots of memories, although we never came across the coke tourists in such abundance. would be great to meet up for a pint when you get back if you fancy ??? Jon and Elayne.

old8oy said...

Hey Elayne, thanks for continuing to read it. I'll definitely seeyou peeps for a pint in October...should be back in London by then. Reckon I'll be going to work in the Philippines for 6 months in November, back in Coron. Is Chip still in Angeles, the dirty perv?